Love and the many ways that it can kill you.
I have been talking and thinking about how if I got my heart broken again I would die. Maybe I am being a little dramatic but I don’t think that’s humanly possible, well it actually is so I take that back. Now see the thing is I don’t think I can take any more pain than I have endured in this lifetime and I am over it. I have decided to live in the delusion that I will be happy and I will not endure any more pain and suffering so let’s see how that goes.
I am a hopeless romantic, unfortunately. I shouldn’t think of it as something unfortunate though because every time I fall in love I get to experience love in all of its magnificent glory and if it does end the pain is almost as intense as the love I felt for the person. I don’t even know why I am that way and I haven’t been able to figure out why. Not that I should though, a lot of questions about life and so many other things will forever go unanswered, life’s greatest mysteries I guess.
I have come to accept that I am a hopeless romantic and there’s nothing wrong with it, I am glad that it's something that I don’t have to unlearn. We can live in harmony or see where it goes.
There are people that are lucky enough to find love on their first try, I don’t know if luck is the best word I could use to describe but yeah. They just meet the person they should be with and it all works out. And there are people that meet the person that they should be with and it just never works out which is unfortunate because that’s who you want and should be with and you just can’t. And then there are the sufferers of unrequited (which I was pronouncing wrong all my life) love which in my books is the worst form of love that anybody could experience or one of the worst, it hurts to love someone and never have them love you back.
I know the reason that led me to write this blog but I can’t go into detail about it because it’s not my story to tell and if it was I’d love it to have a happy ending. I don’t wish it was mine because it ends in pain and possibly endless suffering. When I think about it I feel like it’s similar to my story and a lot of my friends and people I know can relate to it. Imagine meeting the person you know was made for you or you truly belong with them. Nobody has ever made you that happy and even when you are with someone else you always find yourself comparing the two. I feel like it’s unfortunate to have one great love and not have it work out and then you find yourself searching for that in other people. It can never be the same and I wish it was different. I feel like it does take away from truly experiencing someone else because you won’t see them for who they are but for what they lack when you think about someone else. Maybe we should all be grateful that we got to experience it but I don’t think that makes it any better because that constant yearning sticks with you forever or a part of you will always be missing.
I have had love and I have lost it, I’ve also experienced love that never went away. I wish it did and there are times when I thought that it was and that could be because I probably suppressed it and then it all made itself known. Now, what do I do with all of this love that I have and I can’t give it back or show it to the person that I love? And now I sit here and turn some of my feelings into a blog.
I don’t know what the essence of this blog is but what matters most is that I have completed a blog which is something I haven’t been able to do in months. I am going to complete the blogs in my drafts that can be completed and I aim to publish a blog every Friday. Something I hope to achieve because I am trying to be more consistent with my writing.
Have a great day and I hope you enjoy reading this. Any form of feedback is appreciated.
Thanks :)
