Lost & Found

This album reminds me of a love that could have been. It reminds me of you because it came at a time that you were in my life. Like a soundtrack to our failed romance. Together but not really together?

We hang out but we haven’t defined our relationship because we both don’t know what we want. I mean we want each other but do we really?

You tell me about your failed relationships and I listen and wonder if you’re telling me so that I don’t make the mistakes past women did or you just need someone to talk to? You tell me your darkest secrets and I keep them to myself because you trust me with them.

We don’t hold hands because that’s what couples do? We walk slightly apart in public when we go out to get food but as we stand at the counter ordering food like a seasoned couple.

You text me and tell me that my taste in movies made you like me more. I don’t want to overthink this because we’ve been down this road before and it ended the same, we lost touch but we always find each other don’t we?

You know what brought us together? Loneliness. You long for companionship but you wouldn’t even know what you’d do with love if it slapped you in the face.

We were a match made in hopeless romantic heaven, you and your need to get the love you hear in the 90’s R&B you love and me with my fear of being alone. Me with a longing for a love like in the movies and books I love. We were doomed from the beginning but that didn’t stop us from trying. Maybe if the basis of us was more promising then we would have lasted but I don’t think so.

We were never meant to be and I knew that from the start. Why did I only need you when I was alone. Why did you let me in if you knew I’d leave? I’d have loved to be your friend but that could never be because we weren’t friends, to begin with.

I hope you don’t see this because you’d think that I’ve been thinking about you and that I want to talk to you till I fall asleep like we used to. Now that’s why we can never work because we were comfortable in being together but not just there.

Three years since we last talked and I called and you picked up and I asked to meet you and you agreed. We talked for hours, I don’t remember the sun going down, I don’t remember time moving so quickly. I don’t know how we compressed three years into a couple of hours. I remember you playing me a song and I hated because I thought that all you listened to was indie.

I never wonder what if? I do miss you but I don’t long for you like I would a lost lover. I made peace with the fact that we would never be together, not like that. But I do miss watching you play video games, I miss the way you’d look after you got a haircut, I miss how you got me a sandwich I liked and you actually remembered. I miss how I’d feel your body relax as I played with your hair and you’d move closer to me.

I don’t miss you.