I’ve gotten my heart broken twice. It wasn’t something that happened at once. Does it ever happen that way? Maybe it does for other people. But that wasn’t the case for me.
I once read a quote that said, “There are no regrets in life, just lessons”. Whenever something bad happens to me that quote runs through my mind because it gives me hope that I may have had a bad experience but it came with a learning experience. It’s kind of like a win-win situation.
The first time I got my heart broken it took me about two years to fully let go. It was close to three years of instability, tears and some happy moments. When I look back at it I get nostalgic feelings, it’s bittersweet or savory in away. I was young and it’s the same old story. You meet a guy and it’s perfect at first but then it goes sour. It’s not all bad but there are those happy moments that you hold so close to your heart and as rare as they mmay bethey give you some sort of hope that things will get better. I thought I’d end up alone and never be happy. I imagined this ideal life for us and ignored the little voice in my head that told me to let go. The best closure you’ll ever get it on your own and that’s how I chose to deal with the final breakup. I realized that you can get over anything and the only thing that can stop you is yourself. I contemplated going back but what about my happiness? Was I willing to trade that in for a few happy moments? Do I wish I should have done things differently? Should our paths never have crossed? I don’t have any regrets and I think it helped me grow as a person.
The second time it happened was quite messy I remember crying and having a panic attack, I never get panic attacks so you can only imagine how that felt for me. I had made a promise to myself that I’d leave if I wasn’t happy. I’d had enough of being taken advantage of and Love wasn’t reason enough for me to stay.
What good is love if you’re not happy. You can’t be happy all the time but love isn’t a reason to stay in an unhealthy situation. I’ve seen people lose themselves and start to change negatively so they can suit the needs of others.
After the second breakup, I thought something was wrong with me. I thought I’d never been happy. The last thing I needed was to talk to them about it I mean what’s there to talk about? What we should have done differently? Moments we shared? Was it necessary for them to apologize? What’s good in an apology after so long? Maybe to make peace. Maybe to get closure. I don’t need shared sessions to get closure. I’d rather do it on my own. In the comfort of my own company.
I don’t hold anything against them and I don’t have regrets. I appreciate the memories both bad and good. How would I have known the real thing if I hadn’t gone through something bad?