So I’ve been going through a lot emotionally lately and by lately I mean the last couple of months. Anyway, I don’t really want to get into that right now but it has made me realize a couple of things. I won’t go into all of them but I’ll point some of them out.
You should learn to depend on yourself. Talking to people is great and all but what happens when you find yourself alone? You just can’t sit around and wait for someone to come along to help but you have to learn to rely on yourself to help you feel better.
So I had a really bad day sometime last month and honestly, I felt like shit. It was so bad that I couldn’t stand being in class so I decided to sleep it off and did the sleep help? Nope. Not one bit. I had empty dreamless sleep. So I decided to listen to Kings of Leon that day and the song that just stuck was Manhattan, I think it’s a pretty good pick me up kinda song. It doesn’t relate to what I was feeling that day but it helped me feel a little better.
So in a moment of weakness, I almost called the person I was the person that I was certain would make me feel better if I just heard their voice but I didn’t. Why? Because when someone has that much power over you most of the time they can use that against you? Where I’m I going with this? Let go and let Love is usually the way to go sometimes but not like this. There are certain things I need to do to make myself feel better and one of them is walking away honestly. What I’m walking away from? I’d rather not say. But the only time I felt better that day was when I was walking to the station and maybe I just needed some time to myself because being around so many people get quite suffocating.
So I usually have emotional breakdowns and I’m trying to change that or trying to avoid them but I can’t really so that because that’s how I deal. I don’t know how many times I’ve cried myself to sleep or just slept all day because I’m sad. I don’t like it when things don’t go my way or there’s a huge shift in my life. I can’t really control that to a certain extent but I still hate it. I will shut myself off completely so anyway yesterday I had a conversation with my friend that made me have hope that one day I’ll be able to deal with things differently.
I’ll try and look at all of this differently and trying and deal better.
But anyway I made a promise that I’ll blog every week so here’s goes 😌. This one might have been a little bit meh but I’m trying. Next weeks will be better ♥️